8th December 2013
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Penguin Isles Chapter 4: Boys, Girls and The Hishi.

Made by Damen in Penguin Isles

Member
136 posts
271
Seen 8th March 2016
8th December 2013, 09:32 PM
Quote:
I'm not sure... I just can't get hooked on these stories for some reason. In my opinion, you should add more mystery and suspense. I like the comedy, though, keep that part in. And a couple parts about food wouldn't hurt....
 I know your criticizing his work so he can improve it, but at least see through some of the flaws and enjoy a fifteen-year-old's work as it is.
0

~ SecretResearcher

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3,713 posts
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Seen 31st August 2023
8th December 2013, 10:24 PM
I like it, its cool. I can't wait for next 5 Chapter. :)
3

+1 by Mike676, Tiger and Boy

Daymen
Administrator
5,165 posts
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Seen 31st August 2023
9th December 2013, 07:42 AM
Quote:
Quote:
I'm not sure... I just can't get hooked on these stories for some reason. In my opinion, you should add more mystery and suspense. I like the comedy, though, keep that part in. And a couple parts about food wouldn't hurt....
 I know your criticizing his work so he can improve it, but at least see through some of the flaws and enjoy a fifteen-year-old's work as it is.
 This story was made for children, I can go allot more professional but that wouldn't work for this concept. Reminder: This is just chapter 4. I believe I added enough mystery and suspense at the beginning of this chapter.
1

+1 by Scott

To Find A FlashLight You Need A FlashLight
Member
372 posts
230
Seen 13th March 2016
9th December 2013, 09:15 AM
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I'm not sure... I just can't get hooked on these stories for some reason. In my opinion, you should add more mystery and suspense. I like the comedy, though, keep that part in. And a couple parts about food wouldn't hurt....
 I know your criticizing his work so he can improve it, but at least see through some of the flaws and enjoy a fifteen-year-old's work as it is.
This story was made for children, I can go allot more professional but that wouldn't work for this concept. Reminder: This is just chapter 4. I believe I added enough mystery and suspense at the beginning of this chapter.
 True, This was a good chapter.
Can't wait for new years eve!
0

Veteran
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3,526 posts
9,634
Seen 31st August 2023
9th December 2013, 02:10 PM
That was the best chapter. Thanks Damen for making me a Captain. XD
0

"Behind this mask there is more than just flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea... and ideas are bulletproof." -V

亡霊
Master
713 posts
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Seen 6th October 2020
9th December 2013, 02:22 PM
:'( Why must I be terrible at everything?
1

+1 by Hashir

Hi there
Member
804 posts
726
Seen 7th November 2015
9th December 2013, 06:30 PM
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I'm not sure... I just can't get hooked on these stories for some reason. In my opinion, you should add more mystery and suspense. I like the comedy, though, keep that part in. And a couple parts about food wouldn't hurt....
 I know your criticizing his work so he can improve it, but at least see through some of the flaws and enjoy a fifteen-year-old's work as it is.
This story was made for children, I can go allot more professional but that wouldn't work for this concept. Reminder: This is just chapter 4. I believe I added enough mystery and suspense at the beginning of this chapter.
 Well, true. I'm just used to reading hardcore books. I do still enjoy them, though.
0

Are you reading my signature?
Boring, isn't it?

Rookie
2,706 posts
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Seen 31st August 2023
29th December 2013, 12:59 PM
I like this chapter.
It's very good.
Keep working on it!
-Jonathanitti
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