To start, I'd first like to mention that this is my experience with everything that occurred throughout my life with my first love. I don't mean for this book to be "cringe-worthy" or "angsty" or anything like that. I've been meaning to write this story for a while now, I just didn't know if anyone would read it/want to read it... so yeah! I hope you all enjoy 
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Second grade. That's really where it all began. It was a cold Monday morning in January, and all of our classmates were heading in the room to sit at their desks to begin the school day. There he was, an 8-year-old boy with messy brown hair and brown eyes. He ran through the door, past the teacher, and the cubbies [place in the back of the room where we stored our backpacks] to his table, which was conveniently next to mine. He was so eager to tell me about his weekend away at his ski house in Vermont [state in the U.S]. He told me about how his oldest brother fell off the ski lift because he couldn't get on it fully. We both laughed. He had this smile on his face that I've seen previously when he was talking about his favorite toys or food with me. I didn't think anything of it because it was such an innocent smile, which was the same all of our other classmates had when they laughed at a funny joke. The school day went by pretty fast, learning how to write the letter "V" in cursive, reading about the Dust Bowl from the 1930s, going to lunch, playing on the pavement outside because our playground was being renovated, and then going home. I didn't think anything of that day, but what I was told that afternoon would change the rest of my life...
"Christian likes you," said my brother, who had a mouthful of waffles. It was part of our daily routine to get home from school and eat waffles with syrup.
"What?" I said, blindsided from this statement.
"Yeah, his brother told me today before we went out for recess."
My brother and his oldest brother were in the same 5th-grade class, and they were really good friends, so I knew that he was telling the truth. I thought about this for a while, eating my waffles at the same time. Later that afternoon, I went over to my best friends house and told her all about the conversation my brother and I just had [my best friend is also my neighbor, so I only walked like 10 feet]. She was excited because at the time if you "liked" anyone, it was like a kindergarten/pre-k crush, no one acted on it; you acted the same way as you did before. After that, we played with her Barbie Dolls for a couple of hours until sundown. The thought of someone liking me kept crossing my mind until I fell asleep.
Tuesday came, and I decided that I would start sitting next to Christian on the rug during reading time. Christian's best friend, Nathan, sat next to him on the right, so I decided to sit on the left. Nathan quickly realized what was happening and said "Ewww! Get away, you have cooties!!" I started crying because I was such a crybaby back then, but from that point on, I made sure to sit next to Christian every day on the rug, during reading time, just to make Nathan mad [it worked!]. Weeks later on a field trip to the local recycling plant, I told Nathan that he was my "Arch-Nemesis," which meant that he was my worst enemy (I learned what the word was, and what it meant from hearing it on Spongebob). He wasn't very fond of this and ended up telling the teacher. I was punished and that was his way of "revenge." As weeks went by, I learned more and more about Christian and ended up having the biggest crush on him. Years went by, and I would pray about him to God every night [I'm Roman Catholic, so I believe in God] and made sure to keep an eye on him every day so that nothing bad would happen to him.
Fast forward to 8th grade. It was May 20th, 2018, the day of Christian and I's Confirmation retreat. We went to the same Catholic school every Monday night after school. We got our First Communion together in 2nd grade, and we were going to be Confirmed together, as well. The Confirmation retreat began pretty normally. We loaded onto a bus to go to a Church that was 30 minutes away. As the day unraveled, we learned many different things about our faith and how it impacts each and every one of our lives [boring stuff, I know]. Towards the end of the retreat, the pastor asked us to stand in a circle, holding hands with the person next to us. This wasn't really on purpose, but I ended up next to him. When asked to hold hands during the prayers (Our Father and Hail Mary), I gripped his hand and instantly felt a connection. I knew some part of me loved/cared about him, but I didn't know it would be a lot.
I thought it was destiny. Every so often I would take a quick look at him to see how he was doing, even though he would always be talking to his friends. I knew he didn't have any feelings for me, but part of me wishes he did. As we left the Church, part of me wishes I would've talked to him more, but I would've just ended up in the same place as I was before the retreat. At our Confirmation on the 30th, I was chosen to be the first speaker. I went up to the pulpit [raised stand where the Scriptures are read], and started reading the excerpt from the Bible. During the second passage, I looked up for a quick second and scanned the room for him. There he was, the third pew on the left, with his family. I smiled and quickly went back to where I was. Nothing happened afterward with us, so I didn't think about him until a year later.
Fast forward to November 2018 (freshman year). Christian had his snap in his Instagram bio, so I decided to add him. We instantly hit it off for the next few weeks, until he started acting like a jerk and blocked me. I really don't know why he blocked me, but then I found out later in the year it was because he was dating Alexis, a girl in our grade, and I dropped the thought of him completely. A year went by, and in August 2019 (before my sophomore year), I found out he was going to be in the same gym/pe class as me. I started planning what outfit I was going to wear that first day of pe. I already knew that during the first class of pe, we don't do anything super physical, so I decided to wear a dress. The day came, and I was all set for him to notice me. During band, my director needed someone to drop off something at the office for him, so I volunteered. As I was walking down the hallway, and there he was, messy brown hair, backpack slumped over his shoulder, talking to one of his friends. He noticed how I looked in my dress, and he unblocked me and added me 10 minutes later. I smiled because I knew my plan had worked. A couple of classes later, pe finally came. I entered the gym with one of my friends because I was super nervous (she didn't know obviously). As I was sitting down on the bleachers with her, I saw Christian walk up the bleachers. Before he ran down to go play basketball with his friends, he looked down at me [he was higher up on the bleachers than I was] and gave me a quick smile. I smiled back, not knowing that that afternoon would change things between us. Chemistry went by, and finally, the school day had ended.
The bus dropped me off at my house and I received a snap from him.
"You looked really cute in the dress you were wearing today
!" I screamed and smiled as I was walking to my house. I was contemplating on whether to respond in 2 minutes or 10 but knew that he didn't have the same feelings towards me, so I responded quickly.
"Thanks!
" Minutes later he responded, and we instantly hit it off. I thought things were going well between us. A few weeks later, he started asking for things I wasn't comfortable with, and by February he blocked me again because of that. I later found out from my friend (who is now my boyfriend) that he was talking to a girl from our grade that moved to California in 8th grade. I gave up all hope and decided it was for the best that I stop caring about him.
The overall message of this story is that you should never go chasing after someone who clearly doesn't want anything to do with you. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Please don't let your first love ruin any of your future relationships just because they have the power to. Sometimes it's better to just... let go.
.Second grade. That's really where it all began. It was a cold Monday morning in January, and all of our classmates were heading in the room to sit at their desks to begin the school day. There he was, an 8-year-old boy with messy brown hair and brown eyes. He ran through the door, past the teacher, and the cubbies [place in the back of the room where we stored our backpacks] to his table, which was conveniently next to mine. He was so eager to tell me about his weekend away at his ski house in Vermont [state in the U.S]. He told me about how his oldest brother fell off the ski lift because he couldn't get on it fully. We both laughed. He had this smile on his face that I've seen previously when he was talking about his favorite toys or food with me. I didn't think anything of it because it was such an innocent smile, which was the same all of our other classmates had when they laughed at a funny joke. The school day went by pretty fast, learning how to write the letter "V" in cursive, reading about the Dust Bowl from the 1930s, going to lunch, playing on the pavement outside because our playground was being renovated, and then going home. I didn't think anything of that day, but what I was told that afternoon would change the rest of my life...
"Christian likes you," said my brother, who had a mouthful of waffles. It was part of our daily routine to get home from school and eat waffles with syrup.
"What?" I said, blindsided from this statement.
"Yeah, his brother told me today before we went out for recess."
My brother and his oldest brother were in the same 5th-grade class, and they were really good friends, so I knew that he was telling the truth. I thought about this for a while, eating my waffles at the same time. Later that afternoon, I went over to my best friends house and told her all about the conversation my brother and I just had [my best friend is also my neighbor, so I only walked like 10 feet]. She was excited because at the time if you "liked" anyone, it was like a kindergarten/pre-k crush, no one acted on it; you acted the same way as you did before. After that, we played with her Barbie Dolls for a couple of hours until sundown. The thought of someone liking me kept crossing my mind until I fell asleep.
Tuesday came, and I decided that I would start sitting next to Christian on the rug during reading time. Christian's best friend, Nathan, sat next to him on the right, so I decided to sit on the left. Nathan quickly realized what was happening and said "Ewww! Get away, you have cooties!!" I started crying because I was such a crybaby back then, but from that point on, I made sure to sit next to Christian every day on the rug, during reading time, just to make Nathan mad [it worked!]. Weeks later on a field trip to the local recycling plant, I told Nathan that he was my "Arch-Nemesis," which meant that he was my worst enemy (I learned what the word was, and what it meant from hearing it on Spongebob). He wasn't very fond of this and ended up telling the teacher. I was punished and that was his way of "revenge." As weeks went by, I learned more and more about Christian and ended up having the biggest crush on him. Years went by, and I would pray about him to God every night [I'm Roman Catholic, so I believe in God] and made sure to keep an eye on him every day so that nothing bad would happen to him.
Fast forward to 8th grade. It was May 20th, 2018, the day of Christian and I's Confirmation retreat. We went to the same Catholic school every Monday night after school. We got our First Communion together in 2nd grade, and we were going to be Confirmed together, as well. The Confirmation retreat began pretty normally. We loaded onto a bus to go to a Church that was 30 minutes away. As the day unraveled, we learned many different things about our faith and how it impacts each and every one of our lives [boring stuff, I know]. Towards the end of the retreat, the pastor asked us to stand in a circle, holding hands with the person next to us. This wasn't really on purpose, but I ended up next to him. When asked to hold hands during the prayers (Our Father and Hail Mary), I gripped his hand and instantly felt a connection. I knew some part of me loved/cared about him, but I didn't know it would be a lot.
I thought it was destiny. Every so often I would take a quick look at him to see how he was doing, even though he would always be talking to his friends. I knew he didn't have any feelings for me, but part of me wishes he did. As we left the Church, part of me wishes I would've talked to him more, but I would've just ended up in the same place as I was before the retreat. At our Confirmation on the 30th, I was chosen to be the first speaker. I went up to the pulpit [raised stand where the Scriptures are read], and started reading the excerpt from the Bible. During the second passage, I looked up for a quick second and scanned the room for him. There he was, the third pew on the left, with his family. I smiled and quickly went back to where I was. Nothing happened afterward with us, so I didn't think about him until a year later.
Fast forward to November 2018 (freshman year). Christian had his snap in his Instagram bio, so I decided to add him. We instantly hit it off for the next few weeks, until he started acting like a jerk and blocked me. I really don't know why he blocked me, but then I found out later in the year it was because he was dating Alexis, a girl in our grade, and I dropped the thought of him completely. A year went by, and in August 2019 (before my sophomore year), I found out he was going to be in the same gym/pe class as me. I started planning what outfit I was going to wear that first day of pe. I already knew that during the first class of pe, we don't do anything super physical, so I decided to wear a dress. The day came, and I was all set for him to notice me. During band, my director needed someone to drop off something at the office for him, so I volunteered. As I was walking down the hallway, and there he was, messy brown hair, backpack slumped over his shoulder, talking to one of his friends. He noticed how I looked in my dress, and he unblocked me and added me 10 minutes later. I smiled because I knew my plan had worked. A couple of classes later, pe finally came. I entered the gym with one of my friends because I was super nervous (she didn't know obviously). As I was sitting down on the bleachers with her, I saw Christian walk up the bleachers. Before he ran down to go play basketball with his friends, he looked down at me [he was higher up on the bleachers than I was] and gave me a quick smile. I smiled back, not knowing that that afternoon would change things between us. Chemistry went by, and finally, the school day had ended.
The bus dropped me off at my house and I received a snap from him.
"You looked really cute in the dress you were wearing today
!" I screamed and smiled as I was walking to my house. I was contemplating on whether to respond in 2 minutes or 10 but knew that he didn't have the same feelings towards me, so I responded quickly."Thanks!
" Minutes later he responded, and we instantly hit it off. I thought things were going well between us. A few weeks later, he started asking for things I wasn't comfortable with, and by February he blocked me again because of that. I later found out from my friend (who is now my boyfriend) that he was talking to a girl from our grade that moved to California in 8th grade. I gave up all hope and decided it was for the best that I stop caring about him.The overall message of this story is that you should never go chasing after someone who clearly doesn't want anything to do with you. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Please don't let your first love ruin any of your future relationships just because they have the power to. Sometimes it's better to just... let go.