29th September 2014
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Snaildom Story ~ Angi

Made by Angi in Snaildom

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1,384 posts
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Seen 22nd July 2015
29th September 2014, 03:43 PM

There once lived two twin brothers named Tim and Tom. They lived happily with their two parents and everything was good. One day the twins woke up and saw that it was their 10th birthday! "Hooray!" Tim shouted! "We're finally 10 now Tim!" replied Tom. The two rushed downstairs to see their two parents waiting for them with a beautiful blue gift box. They ran downstairs as fast as they could! "What's inside?! What's inside!!!!?" They chanted. "You'll find out in a minute but, boys." Said their mother. "Yes, Mother?" They replied. "You must promise to use this idem wisely." It has been through generations of our family and we do not want it mistreated. You great, great, grandfather was a wizard who used this same wand." Said their mother. "We promise!" Said Tom. Their mother handed them the present and they immediately opened it! Sitting inside was a golden wand. The wands details looked so beautiful and extravagant. "A wand?" Said Tim. "What does it do?" "It holds actual magic and it can give you anything you wish." Said their mother. The boys got excited! They twirled around and showed all of their friends the powers that it holds. They made everyone happy....at the time.



As the long days went on, Tim and Tom became very picky and spoiled with all the wand had given them. Tom began to get angry at every little bad thing that happened to him. He was like a king and he treated everyone as his hard working servants. One day their parents had enough of all of this mistreatment of the wand. "Tim, tom, come over here." Said their father. "What do you need Father?" Said Tim. "You have been abusing the wands powers. And you are spoiled now. You have gotten everything you have ever wanted and you mistreat others. Your mother and I think it's best if we take control of the wand for a while." Replied their father. "Okay, we understand." Said Tim in a bit of a sad voice. "I don't!" Said Tom in a harsh tone. "Why are you taking it away from us!? We use it's powers and we're rich and we have so many friends now! The wand gave us the best life!" Said Tom. "Tom, you are getting spoiled and it's getting out of hand." "NO!" Tom shouted. "Do not disobey me young man." Said his father. Tom got angry inside his eye twitched and immateriality Tom grabbed the wand and snapped it in half. Everyone stood in shock. Tim and Tom's parents needed help so, they went to Emperor Damens castle, with worry. The castle had giant walls that could amaze anyone who took a gimps at it. As they walked into the giant room that Damen was sitting in they began to have a bit of fear of what would happen to their poor son. The parents walked up to Emperor Damen with feelings of great trust. They bowed in front of his tall throne. "What brings you here today?" Said Emperor Damen in a deep strong voice. "Emperor Damen, we need your help." said Tim, and Toms Mother. "On our sons 10th birthday we gifted them with the powers of an amazing wizards wand. They loved the present at first be later on they have become quite spoiled. Our son Tom, is the worst. He treats everyone as if he is the ruler of all. And, whenever he does not get something he complains until he gets it. It is quite a horrible situation." Said Tim and Toms father. "I see," said Emperor Damen. "What has happened to the wand now?" "It is broken, Tom broke it in half." Said Tim and Toms Mother. Tim's father handed Damen the broken wand. "I will give this to one of my builders so he can fix this wand up. But, also with your situation I have a plan." Said Emperor Damen.



The next day, was the usual. Tim played outside while Tom stayed inside with lemonade in his hand, maids in his room cleaning, and sitting in a giant vibrating chair. Everything was good to Tom as he bossed people around. All of a sudden, Tom heard horses galloping and soldiers running. Bursting through the front door was Emperor Damen, and Tim and Toms parents. Emperor Damen walked to Tom, put his hand on his head and said this to him. "Tom, from you actions that I have been informed about.-""HEY, GET YOUR HAND OFF OF ME YOUR IN MY HOUSE NOW! I HAVE THE POWER OVER YOU!" Yelled Tom to Emperor Damen. "From your self centeredactions I grant you to be silent until you learn not to boss people around or complain. Maybe this will teach you to respect what you are given!" Shouted Emperor Damen in a firm voice. Damen raised his right hand and instantaneously Tom couldn't speak. Tom tried to talk, but, nothing came out. He tried screaming, yelling, and the worst part for him was, he couldn't tell anybody what to do for him. But, of course that was fine for everyone else.



As, the days, went on Tom sent his maids, away, and sold some of his special items he cared about. He thought he could never speak again. "Dinner time!"Yelled his mother from downstairs. "Awwh, are we having salad again?!" Yelled Tim back. "You have to get your vegetables in to keep you strong!" Yelled their Mother back. "Okay, I'll eat it!" Yelled Tim. That is when Tom realized how much of a bossy maniac he's been. His brother Tim didn't like salad but, since their Mother made it for dinner, he decided to eat what was given to him and not change it. Tom thought about what he did with the wand that his -parents gave him and he finally realized what he had to do. Tom rushed down stairs to dinner and began to speak. "Mom, Dad, Tim, I'm sorry for how much I mistreated the magic wands power. I was supposed to use it for little things and I gave myself a big house and servants to worship me. But, that's not what life is all about. I should have helped out others instead of keeping it to myself. Instead I broke the wand in anger and we'll never get that replaced. I just have to learn to respect what you guys give me." Everyone stood in shock. "Wait a minute, I CAN SPEAK AGAIN!" Yelled Tom! Everyone laughed and hugged and cheered. "Tom," Said Father. "Yes?" Replied Tom. His father opened up a box and sitting inside was the magic wand. "I think you and Mom should hold on to it." Said Tom. "After what happened I think I've learned my lesson. Tom smiled so big it covered his whole face! And the family was finally reunited again.



The moral of the story is respect what is given to you.


Written by, Angi.
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29th September 2014, 04:49 PM

Bravah! An amazing story! +1

I like your grammar, although, my vocabulary targets for you are: (please don't be offended of ANY of this!)

- Have a bigger range of Adjectives, nouns, connectives and try use more advanced punctuation!

- Add some intense inside writing like this, for example:

' As Tim and Tom's lovely parents went inside the gloomy castle covered with misty fog outside, shaking and shivering as the mighty Emperor's presence was
invincible....'

Overall, great story, love the storyline! Don't take whatever I said into offense, it's what I think, thanks.
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