~ It's that day of the year again! July 1st? Well, yes, but no. Happy July 1st! And, since I won't be here for Independence Day, Happy early 4th of July! What is today? Wonderful Wednesday? Yes. But no. My donuts are yummy? Yes. But no. It's... Canada day! In 1867, Canada became a country. We're celebrating that day. Most users on OldCP are wearing red in celebration of this day. Today is also the day that I am leaving to visit family. So, I'll miss you all, and Happy Canada Day.

~ There was a 'p' word! A Knight? Nope. A News Reporter? Nope-a-doodles. What about a Administrator? No. A new Master! Who is it? I would like a drum roll, please. The new Master is... Glimmer! Congratulations, Glimmer! You have truly earned the rank Master. *gives necklace with a gray "M" on it and name beaded on* You'll be an awesome, inspiring, kind Master to all of us.

~ A new thing has been added! Yesterday, I believe it was added. I wouldn't say it is an add-on, because you don't have to buy it. What is it? It is a... drum roll again please... tacos! No! What is wrong with tacos? Maniac, you said tacos. I know it. I'm watching you, too, the Lie of Swir (Swirlie). The new thing-a-ma-bobby added is... a Silver Star! You get a Silver Star on your profile if you've been on the forums for 1 and a 1/2 years. I see many people already have them. It won't be long before I get one. So, if you've been here for 1 1/2 years, you'll get a Silver Star on your level on your profile.

~ It's someone's birthday. Well, of course it is, but who's? A moderator's? Nope! An Administrator's! Let's say happy birthday to Hashir! It's not Hashir, sorry. Let's say happy birthday to... Roberto! Happy birthday to you (cha cha cha)! Happy birthday to you (cha cha cha)! Happy birthday dear Roberto, happy birthday to you! Cha cha cha! Ooh la la! Hope you have a great birthday, hey! Eat more bacon! Hey, who said that? I certainly did not. Was it you, Sled? Sir Sled? I'm watching you. I heard that snicker.

~ Coca Drake

~ Goldberg is 13 today!
~ TSA Director is 13 today!
~ Ninjaoninja2 is 16 today!
~ Rubberband is 12 today!
~ Roberto is 16 today!
~ dipper is 13 today!
~ jw5496 is 18 today!
Happy birthday, you guys!

~ Yesterday 5 PM- Glimmer's rank was changed to Master.
~ Yesterday 10 PM- Earn a Silver Star on your Level Badge/Icon by using the forum for 1 and 1/2 years!


~ Soda Lake

~ or http://prntscr.com/7nki22 Reveal Spoiler



Thanks for reading! c:

~Amanda

I tried to hide this from Phil in real life.

Reading this made me cringe. It's also embarrasing and awkward.

Also, just get on with the normal news instead of saying a "funny" introduction.

Dan Howell

>.< is Cat Whiskers to me.