DJ
Master
2,814 posts
3,576
Seen 24th May 2023
Freehawk
22nd March 2020, 06:43 PM
I'm bored. Let me make a skit for all of you bored people too! Inspired by the works of Ed and Richie from "Bottom" - it's on Netflix, watch it!
*Montgomery walks in*
Montgomery: -slams door shut- (ceiling falls to pieces) *shouting* WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE HERE, RIK?
Rik: -Scurrying towards the ironing board from the TV- I was just doing some ironing Monty!
Montgomery: -pauses, holding his fists toward his forehead- You're telling me, I go out there and put in an honest day's shift at work, *yelling* TO SEE YOU WATCH C BLOODY BEEBIES FOR 6 HOURS! I SAW THE NUMBERJACKS ON THAT TELLY IN THE MORNING AND IT'S NOW ON IN THE BLOOMING NIGHT GARDEN! EVEN IGGLE PIGGLE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ABSOLUTE SPAZZ TO SEE YOU BEING A COUCH POTATO!
Rik: -adjusts his hair curtains and gently places his index finger over his lip, as if he is thinking- *pause* *takes a deep breath and puts on a Yorkshire accent* Me? Oh love! I had t'telly on for the lad, oh bless him! I was just about to iron *gulps and jolts a bit at the single underwear on the ironing board* your week's worth of undies but the little one wanted to have some Cheetos so I popped down t'offie to get him some Cheetos, y'know, as you do *awkward laugh* and giz it 5 minutes uncle's your Bob and you were here through the door!
Montgomery: *jaw-dropped at what he's seen* -gently places briefcase on rusty counter- *shouting, throwing fists* WE DON'T HAVE A CHILD RIK, WE'RE BOTH MEN! WE'VE SHARED THE SAME FLAT TOGETHER SINCE THE BLOODY COLD WAR AND I'M PRETTY SURE WE'VE PUT UP AN IRON CURTAIN BETWEEN ONE OF US GETTING PREGNANT!
Rik: *shouting, throwing fists* WE CAN'T GET PREGNANT, WE'RE BLOODY MEN! WE'VE SHARED THE SAME FLAT TOGETHER SINCE THE BLOODY COLD WAR AND-...
Rik: *stops, taking hits to the face, but talking with a nonchalant tone* I know bugger all about the Cold War... You win again Monty. *raises his voice, emotionally* Just do this everyday Monty! Come back, abuse me! Slap me silly! JUST LET ME WATCH SOME BLOODY CBEEBIES! *dropkicks Montgomery*
Montgomery: Alright alright! I'm sorry! Here, I earnt 50 quid today - fancy a pint down t'pub?
Rik: Heh... Sure mate. SURE! YEAH, LET'S GET A PINT AND GET ABSOLUTELY SMASHED! LET'S GET SOME BIRDS! YEAH! *serious tone* Don't worry Monty, we need to be sensible about this. I'll make sure we bring some Capri-Suns in case things get a bit too frantic if you know what I mean! *manic laughter*
Montgomery: ..Yes... Let's...
Rik: *playfully* Last one out gets second pick if they're sisters! *joyous yet frantic laughter* -smashes door shut, ceiling falls on Montgomery-
Montgomery: -plucks head through rubble and stares at camera- *monotonously* It's amazing what you can get with an honest day's work, eh?
END
Hopefully this becomes a consistent thing, whether it is once every other day or once a week. The pilot was especially long because I wanna let you in on the genre this will be about: Slapstick with some sarcasm and wit sprinkled all over the gaff! Sorry if that was a long read - it's worth it, innit? Sorry if you want even longer episodes, that's just not possible for my scrawny fingers to type out!
The forthcoming episodes will be significantly shorter, don't you worry. They're all interlinked too!
See you in episode 1!
*quietly* if the pilot gets accepted..
BUGGER ALL: "PILOT" (S1 Ep1)
*Montgomery walks in*
Montgomery: -slams door shut- (ceiling falls to pieces) *shouting* WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE HERE, RIK?
Rik: -Scurrying towards the ironing board from the TV- I was just doing some ironing Monty!
Montgomery: -pauses, holding his fists toward his forehead- You're telling me, I go out there and put in an honest day's shift at work, *yelling* TO SEE YOU WATCH C BLOODY BEEBIES FOR 6 HOURS! I SAW THE NUMBERJACKS ON THAT TELLY IN THE MORNING AND IT'S NOW ON IN THE BLOOMING NIGHT GARDEN! EVEN IGGLE PIGGLE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ABSOLUTE SPAZZ TO SEE YOU BEING A COUCH POTATO!
Rik: -adjusts his hair curtains and gently places his index finger over his lip, as if he is thinking- *pause* *takes a deep breath and puts on a Yorkshire accent* Me? Oh love! I had t'telly on for the lad, oh bless him! I was just about to iron *gulps and jolts a bit at the single underwear on the ironing board* your week's worth of undies but the little one wanted to have some Cheetos so I popped down t'offie to get him some Cheetos, y'know, as you do *awkward laugh* and giz it 5 minutes uncle's your Bob and you were here through the door!
Montgomery: *jaw-dropped at what he's seen* -gently places briefcase on rusty counter- *shouting, throwing fists* WE DON'T HAVE A CHILD RIK, WE'RE BOTH MEN! WE'VE SHARED THE SAME FLAT TOGETHER SINCE THE BLOODY COLD WAR AND I'M PRETTY SURE WE'VE PUT UP AN IRON CURTAIN BETWEEN ONE OF US GETTING PREGNANT!
Rik: *shouting, throwing fists* WE CAN'T GET PREGNANT, WE'RE BLOODY MEN! WE'VE SHARED THE SAME FLAT TOGETHER SINCE THE BLOODY COLD WAR AND-...
Rik: *stops, taking hits to the face, but talking with a nonchalant tone* I know bugger all about the Cold War... You win again Monty. *raises his voice, emotionally* Just do this everyday Monty! Come back, abuse me! Slap me silly! JUST LET ME WATCH SOME BLOODY CBEEBIES! *dropkicks Montgomery*
Montgomery: Alright alright! I'm sorry! Here, I earnt 50 quid today - fancy a pint down t'pub?
Rik: Heh... Sure mate. SURE! YEAH, LET'S GET A PINT AND GET ABSOLUTELY SMASHED! LET'S GET SOME BIRDS! YEAH! *serious tone* Don't worry Monty, we need to be sensible about this. I'll make sure we bring some Capri-Suns in case things get a bit too frantic if you know what I mean! *manic laughter*
Montgomery: ..Yes... Let's...
Rik: *playfully* Last one out gets second pick if they're sisters! *joyous yet frantic laughter* -smashes door shut, ceiling falls on Montgomery-
Montgomery: -plucks head through rubble and stares at camera- *monotonously* It's amazing what you can get with an honest day's work, eh?
END
Hopefully this becomes a consistent thing, whether it is once every other day or once a week. The pilot was especially long because I wanna let you in on the genre this will be about: Slapstick with some sarcasm and wit sprinkled all over the gaff! Sorry if that was a long read - it's worth it, innit? Sorry if you want even longer episodes, that's just not possible for my scrawny fingers to type out!
The forthcoming episodes will be significantly shorter, don't you worry. They're all interlinked too!
See you in episode 1!
*quietly* if the pilot gets accepted..