OldCP isn't fun anymore. It's just a constant stress. A grind for something that will never be. People will do anything, anything, just to get it. OldCP isn't fun; it really was never that fun. If I'm gonna talk to people I'm gonna use Discord. In OldCP, I don't see the appeal. Hell, look at how much money just in this past goddamn month I threw into it. It's just an addiction. It's addicting as all hell. It's a strong addiction. And maybe it's just on my end. But I don't have fun on the game. I haven't had any real fun for at least 3 years now. I just feel anger. Spite. At first it was all just a characterization thing. But after so long that character starts to become your own personal mold. I have screamed over this game. Dying. Getting banned. And I've started to realize that there's no use. At the end of the day, there really is no rest for the wicked. How many quitting posts have I made now? At least 20. And I either never quit or came right back. It really is an addiction. That's the only appeal. I can't tell you just how much pure mental pleasure I felt staring at my screen at someone's dead account. Or even laughing in person, just because of that huge rush, that power fantasy. I'm not talking about the drug I'm just using it as a comparison. And I'm not saying that's anyone's fault. Maybe it's only me that feels this way. I think that's the only reason people play the game anymore. The people here aren't kids. The users in the community aren't children looking for a place to socialize. These aren't kids looking for friends. These are teenagers, some even young adults, that constantly spend their time and money on the game, only for the feeling it gives. Maybe it's the power trip of being a moderator. Maybe it's the feeling of needing to fit in somewhere. Maybe it's the feeling of playing Club Penguin again. Maybe it's just a better life; a life outside of the one you live, and one that is objectively better. One where you can paint yourself in your own way to be a completely different person to other people. And maybe this is all speculation, I'm sure people won't even read past the first 2 words of this and then comment something like "shut up you're just salty" or even just "okay". I'm just saying what I think. And what I feel. Because I know the reputation I've gained in the community; being annoying, being rude, or whatever else reputation I have, is completely my own doing. I'm fully aware. I'm just at a point to where I don't think I have anywhere else to go. I've been in this damn thing for so long that nothing else provides the same feeling. That's what FoundryCP was supposed to be. Then Arch took it over and created a mess. I'm sure I would've done the same thing. I was willing to bring it back too. I was gonna pay hundreds. Just for that feeling. Not that I haven't already given Damen at least over $1000 via Create. Most of that was long term though.
I feel as though I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm not gonna have time to sit around and play this game anymore. It's become a big issue. And I'm suffering from my own personal addiction to it through money and time and even grades. I've literally spent entire classes just thinking about the game. Thinking about "evil". Thinking about things going on. And I'm not saying that's anyone else's fault but mine. I've started throwing the aggression of these things in the game. I go to it still, because now I feel like I just have to. Going without it depresses me. Because while it's hurting me; I still have friends, and I still have so many things I love about it. I can't get away from it. I feel guilty about what I've said in my anger. How stupid it was to start typing as hard as I can into my keyboard after pressing the shift key, and even verbally screaming in rage just over this damn game.
I've rambled a lot, and I think it's time I just go ahead and end this here. I'm leaving the game. And I might come back if I can manage it, but as of right now, I just can't. I've got marching band and whatever else to do and a Club Penguin remake is a weight I've been carrying for far too long. I haven't done anything worth anything in the game anyways. I'll be around the Forums.
If you do see me on OldCP, tell me to get off, or something along those lines. It's not because of anyone else, but because of myself.
Regards,

~ Alatar

i swear this is your second quitting post this week

on a real note though, i do worry about you and i think you should seriously take some time away. i've talked a lot about how oldcp can blur the lines between "characterization" and real life emotions. it's unhealthy when you get too immersed in it and i'm glad you've realized that. if you need my help at all let me know, i can put you on requested BOS for a few weeks or something if you think that will help.