Running. I'm running. Don't look back; keep running. They're running. We are all running. We run faster and then we run slower. Running, running, running. I stop running for a second to check my phone, then it's right back to running and running and more running. We keep running. Where are we running to? I don't know; it depends on where I think this little excerpt is going. Running at a brisker pace now; time is running slim. Running. Let's run. Run of the mill. Sprinting, now we're sprinting; oh that feels awful; now we're running again. Two runners run on a running path. We decide to take a running turn into the road; big mistake. I collide with a big van, crumpling my legs, but I can just run it off, so I keep running.

We finally make it to your mum's house.

This was interesting.

My advice to you would be to chose more concise language, this is full of repetition and that causes some readers to become bored.

Zendaya2408 wrote on 15th September 2020, 02:07 PM:

This was interesting.
My advice to you would be to chose more concise language, this is full of repetition and that causes some readers to become bored.

^ shes right i read "running" then skipped to "We finally make it to your mum's house."

zes wrote on 15th September 2020, 02:09 PM:

Quote:

Zendaya2408 wrote on 15th September 2020, 02:07 PM:
This was interesting.
My advice to you would be to chose more concise language, this is full of repetition and that causes some readers to become bored.

^ shes right i read "running" then skipped to "We finally make it to your mum's house."

Zendaya2408 wrote on 15th September 2020, 02:07 PM:

This was interesting.
My advice to you would be to chose more concise language, this is full of repetition and that causes some readers to become bored.

Thank you for your comments, this excerpt is really just a joke