This excerpt takes a dark turn. Beware.

The best day of my life quickly spiraled to one of the worst. Though I am finally free from the cage that I've been locked in for nineteen years, the consequences were dire. I alone am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women; all of it for nothing because we failed them. I failed them. It all started exactly nineteen years ago, the day my daughter was born. I remember the exact location of her hospital room: third floor, fourth door on the left. But I never went in there; I couldn't bear to see the poor child I helped create. For it was my fault that she was a monster in society's eyes.

To anyone who doesn't know her she looks like a simple malnourished girl. Small stature, body thin with dark hair framing her face and running to her mid-back. But she's much more than that. Her heart is tainted, colder than marble. Dark eyes void of emotion, staring without light. Born without a soul. Without care. Without love. Manipulative, cruel and cunning. And she escaped from the ward we kept her in. The city is in ruins. Blood splatters on the cobblestone, bodies littered along the street, people crying, people screaming, people dying. And it's nobody's fault but mine.

Quote:

I alone am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women, all of it for nothing because we failed them.

Should be "I, alone, am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women; all of it for nothing because we failed them."

Quote:

I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room, third floor, fourth door on the left.

Should be "I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room: fourth door on the left, third floor."

Quote:

She's small for her age, her body thin and skeletal.

Should be "She's small for her age; her body is thin and skeletal."

Tangent wrote on 15th September 2020, 11:08 AM:

Quote:

Quote:
I alone am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women, all of it for nothing because we failed them.

Should be "I, alone, am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women; all of it for nothing because we failed them."
Quote:
I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room, third floor, fourth door on the left.
Should be "I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room: fourth door on the left, third floor."
Quote:
She's small for her age, her body thin and skeletal.
Should be "She's small for her age; her body is thin and skeletal."

I appreciate the help and will correct the last one but the first two are correct, theres no need for the commas in ''I, alone,'' and the ''third floor, fourth door on the left'' is correct as it is. I will add the colon though, I forgot about it. Same with the semi in the last.

Zendaya2408 wrote on 15th September 2020, 11:20 AM:

Quote:

Tangent wrote on 15th September 2020, 11:08 AM:
Quote:
Quote:
I alone am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women, all of it for nothing because we failed them.

Should be "I, alone, am responsible for the deaths of exactly two thousand four hundred and thirty-four good men and women; all of it for nothing because we failed them."
Quote:
I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room, third floor, fourth door on the left.
Should be "I remember the exact location of her mother's hospital room: fourth door on the left, third floor."
Quote:
She's small for her age, her body thin and skeletal.
Should be "She's small for her age; her body is thin and skeletal."
I appreciate the help and will correct the last one but the first two are correct, theres no need for the commas in ''I, alone,'' and the ''third floor, fourth door on the left'' is correct as it is. I will add the colon though, I forgot about it. Same with the semi in the last.

You're right. I'm a pleb!