Still Mink
Member
1,163 posts
2,853
Seen 15th August 2023
CrimeSolvers
16th March 2021, 05:39 PM
In the beginning, there was a God, he was determined to make the best nightclub and the best parking lot. God didn't know how to finance any of that, cuz money wasn't invented yet, so he just made it up.
2 And the parking lot was void and empty, yknow, cuz cars weren't invented yet either.
Darkness existed, cuz he didn't have any of those fancy LED lights or Tesla to tell him what to do; and there was water, cuz he hadn't invented Coors Light yet.
And God said "too dark in here". And light was made.
4 God saw that there was light there, and he was happy, cuz he could see now, he just realized he made a parking lot and how empty it was. He was gonna think about how sad that was on Sunday.
5 And he found out that you could turn off lights as well, so when he turned them off, he considered that the end of the day.
6 And God said, "holy god diddly doodle I forgot the sky. Jesus Christ! (who wasn't born yet but he just really liked that name).
7 And then God made a sky, didn't spend too much time on it, which is why the sky is incredibly boring to look at.
8 And then God wanted to restrict all losers from getting into the club, so instead of hiring bouncers, he just put it in the sky where losers can't see it until they're allowed to.
9 God also went ahead and just clarified that there was no water in heaven, only Coors. Losers drink water, real men drink Coors.
10 And God called his parking lot "Earth" cuz it means rock in some language that hadn't been invented yet, and he thought rocks were for losers. Losers play with rocks.
11 And he said: let the earth have some plants and white lines indicating parking spots, just so everyone would know where to park and could eat the plants if they were too hungry. And it was so done.
13 And the evening and the morning were the third day, Wednesday, leg day.
14 And God said: Let there be lights, blue lights, green lights, red lights, and gredlue lights, cuz no nightclub is cool without lights, and without light shows for losers to look up to at night. And let there be piss, for when we wanna be really mean. God is an ass.
16 And God made two very special lights: a blue light to make the sky look cool during the day; and a black light, so you can see all the other pretty lights we got up here. God is a real cool guy.
19 And that was Thursday, just remember, before this, the sky had no color, pretty unimaginable right?
20 God also said: "You know what this stupid loser water needs? Stupid loser fish." So he made tiny little stupid loser fish.
21 And God (cuz hes an ass), created even bigger loser fish to eat the tiny little stupid loser fish. Then he blamed a woman, Mother Nature, cuz he's a misogynist too.
22 And he told the fish, "now eat each other, or you'll die. Dying is for losers."
23 And that was on Friday, something Muslims will consider holy, cuz they like when big fish eat little fish. There's something in Quran about that I think.
24 And God said: "You know what the parking lot needs? Living things. Can't have a parking lot with no living things, that would be a god damn stupid thing to do."
25 And so God made cows and sheep and chickens and whatnot. But it's pretty peculiar to find these things in a parking lot. They don't even have cars. God really wanted to make sure they were losers.
26 And he said: "You know what, these cows and sheep and whatnot don't do a god damn thing, I need things with arms and legs, people with arms and legs can pray to me easier, like losers."
27 And God created man to his own image: a man with arms and legs and a woman with a ton of problems.
28 And God blessed them, saying: Eat these losers, they make me mad. Don't each other though, that's weird.
31 And God thought a lot of this was a waste of time, cuz he could have just worked on his nightclub. Instead, he just spent his whole Saturday creating losers that will never be in his nightclub. Now God felt like a loser.
2 And the parking lot was void and empty, yknow, cuz cars weren't invented yet either.
Darkness existed, cuz he didn't have any of those fancy LED lights or Tesla to tell him what to do; and there was water, cuz he hadn't invented Coors Light yet.
And God said "too dark in here". And light was made.
4 God saw that there was light there, and he was happy, cuz he could see now, he just realized he made a parking lot and how empty it was. He was gonna think about how sad that was on Sunday.
5 And he found out that you could turn off lights as well, so when he turned them off, he considered that the end of the day.
6 And God said, "holy god diddly doodle I forgot the sky. Jesus Christ! (who wasn't born yet but he just really liked that name).
7 And then God made a sky, didn't spend too much time on it, which is why the sky is incredibly boring to look at.
8 And then God wanted to restrict all losers from getting into the club, so instead of hiring bouncers, he just put it in the sky where losers can't see it until they're allowed to.
9 God also went ahead and just clarified that there was no water in heaven, only Coors. Losers drink water, real men drink Coors.
10 And God called his parking lot "Earth" cuz it means rock in some language that hadn't been invented yet, and he thought rocks were for losers. Losers play with rocks.
11 And he said: let the earth have some plants and white lines indicating parking spots, just so everyone would know where to park and could eat the plants if they were too hungry. And it was so done.
13 And the evening and the morning were the third day, Wednesday, leg day.
14 And God said: Let there be lights, blue lights, green lights, red lights, and gredlue lights, cuz no nightclub is cool without lights, and without light shows for losers to look up to at night. And let there be piss, for when we wanna be really mean. God is an ass.
16 And God made two very special lights: a blue light to make the sky look cool during the day; and a black light, so you can see all the other pretty lights we got up here. God is a real cool guy.
19 And that was Thursday, just remember, before this, the sky had no color, pretty unimaginable right?
20 God also said: "You know what this stupid loser water needs? Stupid loser fish." So he made tiny little stupid loser fish.
21 And God (cuz hes an ass), created even bigger loser fish to eat the tiny little stupid loser fish. Then he blamed a woman, Mother Nature, cuz he's a misogynist too.
22 And he told the fish, "now eat each other, or you'll die. Dying is for losers."
23 And that was on Friday, something Muslims will consider holy, cuz they like when big fish eat little fish. There's something in Quran about that I think.
24 And God said: "You know what the parking lot needs? Living things. Can't have a parking lot with no living things, that would be a god damn stupid thing to do."
25 And so God made cows and sheep and chickens and whatnot. But it's pretty peculiar to find these things in a parking lot. They don't even have cars. God really wanted to make sure they were losers.
26 And he said: "You know what, these cows and sheep and whatnot don't do a god damn thing, I need things with arms and legs, people with arms and legs can pray to me easier, like losers."
27 And God created man to his own image: a man with arms and legs and a woman with a ton of problems.
28 And God blessed them, saying: Eat these losers, they make me mad. Don't each other though, that's weird.
31 And God thought a lot of this was a waste of time, cuz he could have just worked on his nightclub. Instead, he just spent his whole Saturday creating losers that will never be in his nightclub. Now God felt like a loser.
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Seen 30th August 2023
