Queen of Vultures
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Seen 31st August 2023
11th January 2022, 11:32 AM
Loki, Pic, and Zes are all in jail awaiting trial. The official charge is kidnapping but thanks to Dice and his media outlet Dice Talk, people have starting referring to the whole ordeal as “Stealing Damen’s Girl”. The Emperor is not to pleased with this term catching on. Damen has an assassin brought in to help deal with the problem. The assassin is handcuffed to a chair in the throne room.
Damen: Ayancito, do you know why you’ve been brought here today?
Ayancito: No your highness. I have done no wrong in your lands.
Damen: Oh? Is that so?
Ayancito: It is so!
Damen: It may be so that you have done no wrong in The South. But you did take the life of my son Sriram the rap god. And you attempted to take the life of my other son Major. He is still recovering from the emotional scars of your attempt on his life.
Ayancito: Your highness, that was ten years ago. I have already served my time for that.
Damen: Tell that to my son who is still recovering.
Damen claps once, Major comes out, tears are in his eyes though they be crocodile tears. Ayancito rolls his eyes, he is not fooled by Major.
Ayancito: Are you going to kill me or what.
Damen: No, that wouldn’t do. Do you want freedom, Ayancito?
Ayancito: Isn’t that what every man wants?
Damen: Good. Then assassinate Dice and you shall forever be pardoned.
Ayancito: Deal.
Loki and Pic get a visitor an hour before the trial, its Tasha!
Tasha: Hi mom, hi Pic. Dad and I hired Mandos Law as your defense. They seem hopeful that they can get you guys off of this one.
Loki: Thats great Tasha. But in case they don't get us off, here's a contingency plan.
Loki give Tasha a small piece of paper. Tasha, glances at whats written in it briefly and nods her head.
Tasha: Uh you didn't want us to hire Mandos to defend Zes too did you?
Pic: Ew, defend Zes? I don't think so! He thinks hes more innocent than Loki and I, he can fend for himself.
Loki: Agreed. Let him handle his own defense. I think he's going to ask for a separate trial anyway.
Tasha: Ok. Well, I need to get back to dad. He's got his helmet polished the way you like it. The trial is about to start anyway.
Tasha winks. Pic gives Loki a sidelong glance. Loki looks away, embarrassed.
Now the trial is beginning, Pic and Loki are being defended by Mandos Law, Zes is doing his own defense. Damen is serving as the judge as he usually does for trials. Damen is in a very foul mood.
Damen: How do the criminals plead?
Mandos: Not guilty, your honor.
Damen: How do you explain the usage of Pic's car as the getaway car?
Mandos: Zes is a known joker but also a very skilled fighter. It is obvious that he initially joked about kidnapping the Empress and then threatened to kill everyone who didn't cooperate with him when he became serious.
Damen: Zes, come up to the witness stand.
Zes comes up to the witness stand, he looks sweaty and nervous.
Damen: Tell us in your own words what happened the day of the kidnapping.
Zes: Well I had just gotten kicked out of the coffee shop when Loki and Pic approached me. They said that they were going to kidnap a woman as a joke to take her to a surprise birthday party they had planned for her. I realized this was not the case after we got in the car and the police chase started. I told Pic to pull over but she refused.
Damen: So you didn't hold anyone at sword-point or threaten to kill anyone?
Zes: Damen, we're homies, would I ever try to steal your girl?
Lord Law: Objection your honor! The witness's personal relationship to you holds no bearings to the case at hand.
Damen: Sustained. Now, as the Mandos Law team suggested, we had interrogators take down each of the accused accounts of what happened that day. Lets what they say.
Damen starts reading some of the official looking documents on the bench.
Damen: Lets start with Pic's account of what happened. According to her, she and Loki were walking down the street when they saw Zes get kicked out of the coffee shop. Zes joked about kidnapping a woman that they didn't recognize and they approached her. Then Zes threatened the woman to get into Pic's car and threatened Pic to drive off to the airport. Now Zes, how do you explain that?
Zes: Obviously, shes lying.
Damen: Ok, then onto Loki's account of what happened. According to Loki, she and Pic were walking down the street when they saw Zes get kicked out of the coffee shop for ordering coffee beans. Zes joked about kidnapping a woman that she didn't recognize and they approached her. Then Zes threatened them all to get into Pic's car and told Pic to drive to the airport or die. So Zes, it appears these two accounts corroborate each other. What do you have to say about that?
Zes: SHE'S LYING TOO! Look at them! They're both known liars and they hate me! They're draconians! Since when can you trust a word they say!?
Lord Law: Objection! The political affiliation of the accused are irrelevant to the crime!
Damen: Sustained. Zes, you may step down.
Zes steps down from the witness stand.
Damen: Scott, give me your wisdom on the case please.
Scott: It appears that Pic and Loki may be telling the truth about the events leading up to the kidnapping, though Loki is a known criminal and has been convicted many times. Even if they are not the masterminds behind this crime, they are still accessories to the crime and are guilty as such. Zes is guilty in the same way if he is telling the truth about what happened.
Damen: Thank you, Scott. Pic and Loki, I hereby find you two guilty as accessories to kidnapping and sentence you with one month of jail time. Zes, I find you guilty as well and hereby sentence you to one year of exile and community service.
Zes look furious.
Zes (muttering): If I were Spiderman, you'd all be so dead right now.
Little has arrived back on Arda from GNZ-11, it is just after the trial and she is walking through the jail, looking for the perfect someone for her plan. She comes across Pic and Loki, who were talking in hushed tones. Little could have sworn one of them said something about a jail break but they quit whispering the moment they noticed her.
Loki: Little! Long time, no see. How is GNZ-11?
Little: It’s alright. Sometimes I’d rather be here with you guys than there, by the looks of it I’m glad I wasn’t with you two. What are you in for?
Pic: Zes forced us to help him try to steal Damen’s girl. We were found guilty of being ‘accessories to crime’.
Pic rolls her eyes.
Loki: And he had the nerve to claim we forced him to help us.
Little: Between you and me, didn’t you?
Loki: I’m sure you know the answer to that in your heart.
Pic: Zes is getting exiled and has to do community service for a year.
Pic and Loki smirk.
Little: Is he really… Excuse me, I need to go see him before they send him off.
Little hurries to talk to Damen about Zes’s exile. She finds them tying Zes up and about to throw him on a boat to Providence.
Little: Wait! I have a better idea!
They stop tying Zes up and wait for Little to approach.
Damen: And what is this idea, Little? Surely you aren’t here to try to make us have mercy on Zes.
Little: No no, I believe this is much worse than what you’re sending him off to do.
Little laughs evilly for dramatic effect. Damen raises an eyebrow.
Damen: Go on.
Little: Exile him to GNZ-11 with me, he can serve as my butler and clean up space trash.
Damen considers the proposition for a moment.
Zes: NOOOOOO! SEND ME TO PROVIDENCE, PLEASE!
Damen: Throw in only feeding him vegan burgers and you got yourself a deal.
Damen and Little shake hands, its a deal.