Hey guys! Ive noticed many people have been makeing some awesome stories so i decided to make on here i go!

Max osborn was just your normal 6th grader he had dirty blond hair with brown eyes. But his life was about to change... his step father who was a scincetist called max to come after school to his lab! When max was there he saw what looked like a portal! "Max!" His step father said! "This is it! ive done it! i well sorta ran out of test monkeys so i need you to try this out for me!" "Wait what?!"
said max! "oh comn max please!" "Uhhg fine -_-" said max! So max's dad turned on the portal or atleast thats his step dad said. And max steped inside. But then it turned off but 5 seconds later it went back on!! Max felt a shock but everything the went black. The next day max was at the hostpital he looked in the mirror and his eyes went wide! What used to be dirtyblond hair was spikey white hair!! But it got worse instead of his brown eyes he had theese red eyes! Max then saw his father looking at him sheepishly. Then max said "You gotta be kiding me ._." to be continued...

I hope you guys injoyed this. Chapter two will come on monday or tomorrow idk

keep calm and game on~weend

Weend, you never capitalized the "I" when someone is talking about himself. A bad, bad spelling mistake...

Eh. There's a couple of spelling errors and capital letters missing but whatever. And I like it.

Okay gosh this is my first time doing this plus i got no sleep last night and im really tierd! So you could have atleast said something kind about this instead of saying whats wrong with it
i mean you mell.

Btw thank you icedragon for saying something nice about it i worked hard doing this

Quote:

Okay gosh this is my first time doing this plus i got no sleep last night and im really tierd! So you could have atleast said something kind about this instead of saying whats wrong with it

I said I like it. But it confuses readers sometimes if there's alot of stuff missing. But I wasn't trying to be mean. So please don't yell. ~ Icedragon

Edit: I noticed you edited your post so never mind about the yelling thing.


Edit Again: Okay next time try not to say names cuz it MAYBE will cause drama.

Quote:

Quote:

Okay gosh this is my first time doing this plus i got no sleep last night and im really tierd! So you could have atleast said something kind about this instead of saying whats wrong with it

I said I like it. But it confuses readers sometimes if there's alot of stuff missing. But I wasn't trying to be mean. So please don't yell. ~ Icedragon

No not you i was talking to mell im glad you liked it i sorry for confusing you

Keep calm and game on~weend