I wanted to make this post about a life lesson I've learned over these past two weeks... as it's been a quite difficult time for me. Over the past two weeks, I've gained a better understanding of who I can vent to and trust with my secrets. I've learned who will have my back when I do something right, and who will also tell me if I do something wrong.

I respect Damen trying to limit the amount of "toxicity" in this community, but I feel as though his efforts are misguided; as he never hears both sides of the story.. just the one. I respect the fact that he looks out for his players, and care about what they have to say, but to go as far to recommend that staff members should not be in chats that do not have the DSGHQ values set in place is actual censorship. To say that all servers that allow non-DSGHQ values are toxic is stereotypical; and toxicity itself cannot be judged based on arguments, because look at the Crime Office server (stg everyday there's a new argument). On discord, I can choose who I want to talk to and what servers I want to join. One server that I'm in, the users have supported me through so many hardships, and stayed up with me really late at night just so I could talk about my frustrations. They're always there to listen; and even if there is the odd argument, it's natural. In a relationship for example, you cannot expect to not have arguments with your partner. Arguments are a natural thing that happen in all aspects of life; they're learning curves, challenges that life can throw at you. Most of us are getting older, and are not the same innocent kids we were in 2013-2015. Most of us have gained a sense of maturity, and we can make decisions for ourselves, and should be able to recognize bad situations when we see them. I know when to remove myself from chats, and have done it many times in the past.

In conclusion, Damen, I respect your efforts to try and limit the amount of toxicity/arguments that go on in the community, but the reality is, fighting is inevitable. As I'm sure you have learned, you cannot make everyone happy with everything you do, and that's okay, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Especially in a tight-knit community that isn't growing rapidly like the DSGHQ, where most of us have known each other for years, our relationships will not be perfect.

While fighting is inevitable, we all have work to do, and we are all not perfect.. not even in the slightest bit. We are constantly learning each and everyday.

I challenge all of you, especially those in administrative positions, to hear both sides of a story, before making judgement calls on situations. That is one solution that I can offer. There are always two sides to a story, never just one, and both sides need to be heard, loud and clear, with no bias towards one or the other.

moral of the story: do not let anyone tell you who you can and can't be friends with or what you can or can't do. you are grown, and responsible for making your own decisions. don't let someone else make them for you. don't let someone else decide what your happiness looks like.

Thank you.

greetings.

Real relationships will never be perfect, but that's what makes them so special. It's important to have that difference between two people because other wise, you're just friends with a clone of yourself. Difference is needed, because life would be so boring if there was no difference between people. You may not agree with the other person, but it is important to listen because you can also learn from the other side. Having one-sided opinions about a certain situation is quite toxic, and toxicity is what Damen is trying to eliminate within the DSGHQ.

So yes, fighting is inevitable, and we just need to learn that that's okay.

Preach. It’s not the people you hang out with that make you want to leave this community, it’s the stuff that happens within the community itself and learning who you can trust after they stab you in the back. I agree, both sides of the story are important to hear always.

If you watch the whole video I make it clear its just advice, not instructions and its only 'less likely' rather than 'impossible' that problems will emerge on DSGHQ chats.

Just the fact that we don't swear immediately improves matters. Also, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated and that makes things better too.

(That goes both ways. Often we bring problems on ourselves by annoying others first)

Lark wrote on 11th December 2020, 07:41 AM:

greetings.

Greetings kace.

Damen wrote on 11th December 2020, 10:41 AM:

If you watch the whole video I make it clear its just advice, not instructions and its only 'less likely' rather than 'impossible' that problems will emerge on DSGHQ chats.
Just the fact that we don't swear immediately improves matters. Also, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated and that makes things better too.
(That goes both ways. Often we bring problems on ourselves by annoying others first)

While I do understand the point you are trying to make, most of us are not the same people we were in 2015. Outside of DSGHQ chats, we have actual conversations that are not censored by moderators. As I said previously, we are old enough to make our own decisions, surround ourselves with the right people, while also not being in DSGHQ chats. It is important to treat others how you want to be treated, but sometimes, when things get really bad, you can't control what other people say; therefore, the blame of what other people say does not fall on the victim his/herself. It should be within the best interest of an administrator to hear both sides of a story out, and not make a judgement based off just one. This causes an incredibly unfair judgement that can negatively impact someone, who could potentially be the victim in that situation.

Saber574 wrote on 11th December 2020, 11:25 AM:

Quote:

Damen wrote on 11th December 2020, 10:41 AM:
If you watch the whole video I make it clear its just advice, not instructions and its only 'less likely' rather than 'impossible' that problems will emerge on DSGHQ chats.
Just the fact that we don't swear immediately improves matters. Also, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated and that makes things better too.
(That goes both ways. Often we bring problems on ourselves by annoying others first)

While I do understand the point you are trying to make, most of us are not the same people we were in 2015. Outside of DSGHQ chats, we have actual conversations that are not censored by moderators. As I said previously, we are old enough to make our own decisions, surround ourselves with the right people, while also not being in DSGHQ chats. It is important to treat others how you want to be treated, but sometimes, when things get really bad, you can't control what other people say; therefore, the blame of what other people say does not fall on the victim his/herself. It should be within the best interest of an administrator to hear both sides of a story out, and not make a judgement based off just one. This causes an incredibly unfair judgement that can negatively impact someone, who could potentially be the victim in that situation.

Everyone is responsible for what they say and do. Each one is judged by their own actions.

Damen wrote on 11th December 2020, 10:41 AM:

If you watch the whole video I make it clear its just advice, not instructions and its only 'less likely' rather than 'impossible' that problems will emerge on DSGHQ chats.
Just the fact that we don't swear immediately improves matters. Also, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated and that makes things better too.
(That goes both ways. Often we bring problems on ourselves by annoying others first)

A lot of us joined the DSGHQ community when we were ages 9-12, so the rules made sense for the time being and was age appropriate; however, we have all grown up. Our lives don't revolve around this community and we do have conversations with each other outside of DSGHQ related chats, which, like Saber mentioned, are not monitored by Moderators. For instance, Instagram chats. I talk to a few people from (or were from) this community and we have conversations via Insta DMs sometimes, which are not monitored by Mods. In fact, some of them are/were Mods. My point is, we do have lives outside of the DSGHQ, and we do break the DSGHQ values. As long as it isn't in any DSGHQ related platform/chat, I think you have nothing to worry about.

And like Saber said, you can't control what other people say - and if you do, that's just manipulation. A toxic human trait. And we want to eliminate the toxicity in this community, right?

Quote:

Everyone is responsible for what they say and do. Each one is judged by their own actions.

Which is why you should listen to both sides of the story, to evaluate what each person is said to have done; and then, with the right and non-biased judgement, shall you determine who is in the wrong and who is in the right.

Narcissa wrote on 11th December 2020, 12:24 PM:

Quote:

Damen wrote on 11th December 2020, 10:41 AM:
If you watch the whole video I make it clear its just advice, not instructions and its only 'less likely' rather than 'impossible' that problems will emerge on DSGHQ chats.
Just the fact that we don't swear immediately improves matters. Also, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated and that makes things better too.
(That goes both ways. Often we bring problems on ourselves by annoying others first)

A lot of us joined the DSGHQ community when we were ages 9-12, so the rules made sense for the time being and was age appropriate; however, we have all grown up. Our lives don't revolve around this community and we do have conversations with each other outside of DSGHQ related chats, which, like Saber mentioned, are not monitored by Moderators. For instance, Instagram chats. I talk to a few people from (or were from) this community and we have conversations via Insta DMs sometimes, which are not monitored by Mods. In fact, some of them are/were Mods. My point is, we do have lives outside of the DSGHQ, and we do break the DSGHQ values. As long as it isn't in any DSGHQ related platform/chat, I think you have nothing to worry about.
And like Saber said, you can't control what other people say - and if you do, that's just manipulation. A toxic human trait. And we want to eliminate the toxicity in this community, right?

I dont know where the idea of controlling what other people say came from. Unless you mean moderating our platforms?

Narcissa wrote on 11th December 2020, 12:26 PM:

Quote:

Quote:
Everyone is responsible for what they say and do. Each one is judged by their own actions.

Which is why you should listen to both sides of the story, to evaluate what each person is said to have done; and then, with the right and non-biased judgement, shall you determine who is in the wrong and who is in the right.

Thats what I aim to do. I have not judged Zes or Saber at all. I dont think I need to be involved.

Damen wrote on 11th December 2020, 12:28 PM:

Quote:

Narcissa wrote on 11th December 2020, 12:26 PM:
Quote:
Quote:
Everyone is responsible for what they say and do. Each one is judged by their own actions.

Which is why you should listen to both sides of the story, to evaluate what each person is said to have done; and then, with the right and non-biased judgement, shall you determine who is in the wrong and who is in the right.
Thats what I aim to do. I have not judged Zes or Saber at all. I dont think I need to be involved.

Glad to know that's what you're aiming for.

this comment section might be the most mature comment section to a discussion ive ever seen

Sleddy wrote on 11th December 2020, 10:07 AM:

Preach. It’s not the people you hang out with that make you want to leave this community, it’s the stuff that happens within the community itself and learning who you can trust after they stab you in the back. I agree, both sides of the story are important to hear always.

Reading back at this now, it makes so much sense. I think that one of the reasons we have to learn who we can trust not to stab us in the back is because of crimezone. Lately, people have been quite greedy when it comes to power and they will go as far as betraying their own friends to get it. If crimezone gets altered in a way where things are fair and unbiased, then maybe things will lighten up a little.

But that's only my opinion on only one of the reasons as to why we need to be careful on who we trust.

And of course there are other reasons, more personal reasons, why we learn these things.