Queen of Vultures
Administrator
1,641 posts
11,587
Seen 31st August 2023
3rd February 2022, 06:54 PM
Dice goes down to the jail to get the scoop on the jailbreak that had occurred. While hes there, he finds Zen and Elyse in one of the cells. He starts to call for a guard to release them but they stop him.
Zen: Dice, don't get the guards. We've decided to go undercover so we can expose this place from the inside.
Elyse: We're going to get rich and famous off the books we're going to write about our experience. Don't ruin this for me now!
Dice: You two realize that staying here in this cell, means that two criminals get to walk free right?
Zen: Yes, well... I doubt they're living a luxurious life being on the run and all. So technically, they're still being punished.
Elyse: Besides, all they did was try to steal Damen's girl. I heard Chelsey wanted to leave anyway.
Zen: She really did, I saw her buy a one way ticket to Cuba.
Dice: Forget about Chelsey then. How did they get you in here?
Zen: Well... They kind of kidnapped us...
Dice: See! They deserve to be locked up!
Elyse: Dice, its okay, really. We'll get rich and famous from this and Loki and Pic will probably meet an untimely demise with being evil and all.
Dice shakes his head, annoyed and confused at why anyone would be willing to stay in this dump of a jail.
Dice: Ok you guys do your thing, but Zen, I still expect you to write your weekly column.
Zen: Of course Dice. Just stop by every week to pick it up. I'm sure this place is filled with inspiration! I can even interview other prisoners and get their stories!
Elyse: Dice, before you go...
Dice: Yes?
Elyse: Will you supply us with snacks?
Dice: ..............
Elyse: Ok great! Here's a list!
Zen: Make sure to get the SOUR gummy worms.
Dice: You know this is illegal right?
Elyse: Its only illegal if you get caught!
Dice groans.
Dice: Alright, alright.
Zen: Thanks Dice!
Elyse: We love you!
Pic and Loki are on the secret tropical island, Tasha has left on an errand to pick up her alleged boyfriend. Amir has not yet arrived and Pic is lowkey hoping he won’t.
Pic: Who do you think Tasha’s boyfriend is?
Loki: I have no idea.
Pic: I hope it’s not some big ugly Orc warlord.
Loki: You mean Benedeth?
Pic: Yeah, him! That ugly brute!
Loki: Nah, she has more sense than that.
Pic: Purr
Loki: Furry!
Pic: It’s an expression!!
Loki: That’s what they all say. Next you’ll probably be wearing ears and a tail.
Pic: Shut up Loki.
Loki: Aight, just wait until Amir gets here.
Pic: Ugh, does he have to come? Why can’t it just be ladies month on the island?
Loki: He’s not going to be here all the time! Besides, if you have a certain someone you want to invite, we can have him brought here for you.
Loki smirks. Pic turns red.
Pic: Don’t you dare say it!
Loki: Or-
Pic cuts Loki off before she could say the whole name.
Pic: Look! It’s Amir!
Never has Pic been so glad to see Amir in her whole life.
Pic: Hey Amir, did you know Tasha has a boyfriend?
Amir looks surprised but says nothing. He walks over to Loki and hugs her, he whispers in her ear so Pic can’t hear or be suspicious.
Amir (whispering): So it’s going according to plan?
Loki (whispering back): Yes it is.
Pic: Ugh, lovebirds.
Tasha finally flies all the way to Baraddur. She checks herself out in the mirror and puts on her best dress before heading down to meet her prospective pseudo-boyfriend.
Tasha: Ok Tasha, you look good! You got this! There's no way he'll say no!
Tasha heads towards the lower levels of Baraddur. She finally reaches the man's quarters and knocks on the door.
Tasha (nervously but flirtily): Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Lord Law: Tasha, what a surprise!
Tasha: Can I come in?
Lord Law: Yes, you may come in. I won't have you charged with trespassing.
Tasha: Thanks.
Tasha is impressed with Lord Law's apartment. It's very neat and fancy with only a slightly evil aura. There are many books on various bookshelves all around the place. Most of them are law books. One of the books is the fancy illustrated version of the Black Bible.
Lord Law: Take a seat if you want.
Tasha sits down on one of the over stuffed chairs.
Lord Law: So what brings you to my humble abode?
Tasha: Well... This is awkward... But you know how you told me about that arranged marriage my dad was going to set up for me?
Lord Law: Mhm
Tasha: Well... I was wondering.... Will you pretend to be my boyfriend or whatever so my parents don't try to set me up with someone?
Lord Law: Hm... This sounds very one sided. What's in it for me?
Tasha: You get to pretend to be my boyfriend, that's whats in it for you!
Lord Law: I'm afraid pretending to be your significant other isn't good enough for me.
Tasha: Well, what do you want?
Lord Law: I will draw up a contract and get back to you.
Tasha: Are you serious? That's ridiculous.
Lord Law: I assure you I am quite serious. Either come back in an hour for the contract or you can get married to a stranger.
Tasha: Fine. But I won't enjoy it!
In GNZ, Little has just finished showing Zes around the Star Palace. He is still very impressed with the place and is thinking about how cool it would be to pick up chicks and bring them back here on dates.
Little: And that concludes the tour! What do you think of the place?
Zes: I think its a little too big for anyone to really enjoy.
Little: Come on Zes, its not that big. Not big enough to get lost in.
Zes: Really? I'm already lost. Where is my bedroom at again? I don't recall seeing it.
Little: You don't get a bedroom Zes. You get to sleep on a dog bed in the living room until you prove to be a good servant, that's what my dad said.
Zes: That's stupid. I don't like these terms. Take me back to Arda.
Little: Do you really want to spend a year in exile on Providence? You'd be cleaning up radioactive waste and getting beat up by pirates.
Zes: I would beat up the pirates. No one can beat me up!
Little: Pretty sure I've seen Loki and Pic do it a time or two.
Zes: I let them win.
Manwe enters the room.
Manwe: Zes, I want to speak with you.... alone.
Zes: Aight dawg-
Little discreetly elbows Zes.
Zes: I mean sir!
Manwe leads Zes down a long hallway and into a small pantry. The room has a table, two chairs, and a lamp in it.
Manwe: Sit down Zes.
Zes sits down.
Manwe: Ok Zes, so where did you meet my daughter?
Zes: Uh... It was so long ago, I don't remember where it was.
Manwe: And what is your relationship to her?
Zes: Relationship?
Manwe: Yes! Relationship! Are you friends? Enemies? Dating? Engaged? MARRIED?
Zes: Man, we're just friends.
Manwe: You're in it for the money, aren't you?
Zes: What?
Manwe: You knew she had rich parents and owned a whole galaxy!
Zes: I didn't even know this place existed until last month!
Manwe: I see... Did you kiss her?
Zes: No! Of course not! We're just FRIENDS.
Manwe: So when did you first develop feelings for my daughter?
Zes: I didn't!
Manwe: So... You're just friends.
Zes: Yes.
Manwe: Ok. Well. I've got my eye on you. Now go clean the toilets.
Zes: ....
Manwe: NOW!
Zes: Yes sir.