#makezenacharacter

hehe
I sound like a toddler but I will try my best not to have my voice crack

You forgot *Zen whenever she reminds you of Payton...

Sleddy wrote on 21st March 2020, 01:15 PM:

what the bloody hell is a gurthang

lord of the rings sword
sword of turin turumbar

elfboy123 wrote on 21st March 2020, 11:27 PM:

Quote:

sarabareille wrote on 21st March 2020, 11:19 PM:
Quote:
Miro wrote on 21st March 2020, 11:14 PM:
But even more sus, most of the people's posts after a long break were them defending or commenting on posts you made or were in

Ye, I agree that is pretty weird, to say the least. I personally have no control over that. People like Courtney & Dayton though, I know them on a personal level cause we live together - so that's why they showed up out of hibernation. For others though, I have no clue.
Lark wrote on 21st March 2020, 11:16 PM:
Why would you lie about your gender? Was there a reason? Or is it private
To be honest, I described it in the discussion more in-depth, but honestly, girls just had better clothing items than boy penguins... (I'm partially joking, it's deeper than that).
Can u quote or ss where u spoke about it in the discussion

I got you:

I was addicted to this, but at the same time, I hated myself. I hated the lie I was living, and I felt tremendous guilt. I personally never thought that "men" were allowed to care, cry, or show emotion - I was very indoctrinated at a young age. Therefore, I knew I was too deep into my lie. I couldn't go back, and at the time I simply could not admit to it. I had to live with it and make the best of it. An abundance of rumors surfaced stating that I wasn't real, I was fake, and I was living my life online as a catfish. These rumors, at the time, ruined me. At such a young age, I would cry about everything being said. I knew most of these rumors were truthful, but I just couldn't come to terms. I couldn't accept it. Time continued to move forward, and people simmered down thankfully. This is around the time I told Amanda who I was. Since then, a few "rumors" continued to linger, even now. But as of now, I would like to say that some of these rumors are true. I would like to say this though, although I am not technically Sadie - everything I did, act upon and fought for remained true. The way I talk, act, and care for people are really who I am. I love to communicate with people, help people, and watch them prosper. Sadly, I was never fully able to act the way I dreamt. There were times where people would come to me with genuine problems, and share everything with me. These people were hurt, they were suffering, and it killed me mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically that I couldn't help these people the way I wanted to. I apologize for what I did, and as I matured into an adult I realized that what I was doing was not good. I regret any relationship I have had on here with someone. People like Mr. Lion, Harrison (Tennis), Abushekaus, and Bailey too. What I did was simply horrible, to say the least. I do not urge anyone to "catfish". I have come clean to some of you, and again, I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. I was young, immature.

xSugerbearx wrote on 21st March 2020, 03:32 PM:

Bro I fully was never gonna log in again but Rhea told me this and I gaspedddd. Ngl people can complain all they want but at the end of the day the fact you pulled this off SO WELL is so funny to me. it’s really not that deep. Idk what the big deal is it’s not like half these people talked to you, you told your close friends so it’s not like you ‘lied’ to people you cared about. At the end of the day this is a big ass plot twist, but I HIGHLY doubt anyone is going to be super upset about this so I don’t know why people who literallt didn’t care about you in the first place are complaining. Nearest exit, at this point y’all are BORED and PROBLEMATIC.

exactly what I was thinking.
half of these people don't even play this game anymore and the only time they even come back is to complain about things that don't even concern them.
its just sad.
literally all scott's done for the past 5 years is been kind and trying to help those who need it. and yet, in light of this, those people are forgetting his kindness and his respect and are literally harassing him for this. isn't it better that he actually told people instead of holding it in? isn't it better that people knew instead of him lying about it? genuinely I have tremendous respect for scott so like.. y'all can expect to see me getting defensive should a fight arise.

not trying to be rude or anything, im just being honest. y'all can complain all you want but in reality, its a virtual game. everyone has secrets and you have absolutely no rights to judge anyone.

Oh wow.
HI SCOTT!

Honestly... this is a really big adjustment for me. But I still love you anyways. As Sadie, you were always so kind to me. You helped me when I needed it, you gave me guidance when I was lost and you brought me the light when I was in the darkness. You've given me so much happiness and respect all these years that I just feel the need to repay you. You even would DM me of your own accord whenever I've been upset saying that you've heard some things and just to let me know you're there for me. You're so damn mature and smart. You always know what to say/how to say it. I cannot believe all the crap you went through when you were younger but I can relate, in a way. But to hear that people were rude to you and spread rumors on who you are genuinely hurt me. Because all you do is be nice to people and to hear that you were hurting as well, throughout all of this, brought tears to my eyes.

I'm honestly so proud of you for coming out with all this. As said in Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies and even more to stand up to your friends. Scott, this does not change who you are as a person and it most definitely does not give anyone a pass to harass you or anything of that sort. And it does not change the way that I view you. When I met you in 2015, I could tell, even at my young age, that you were a person who'd grow up to do extraordinary things. Yesterday I had to ask you permission to bring this into light- but in 2016 when you inducted me into the PW, I got a front row seat of seeing just how incredible you were. The PW was like a secondary family to me. And you were the mother of it- but I suppose we should call you the father of it now. You gathered all these young and talented souls and brought them together, merging them into one. You offered your guidance and experience to help bring these people to ranks they could only dream of having, like PWC, moderator, etc. You helped me become a moderator. No matter what, you've always tried your best to guide and help others and that's what I love about you. Throughout my 4 years in the PW, I have gotten the privilege of becoming closer to you. And I'm really thankful for that.

Being a member of the PW definitely changed me. And you helped that. Now people may be pissed off at you for this, but atleast you came out with it. That's better than keeping it in and that shows just how strong you are. Ignore the haters- they've nothing better to do.

I love you
Hopefully I get to know you more as Scott and, of course, once a brother, always a brother


EDIT: Stop disliking my post because it isn't what you want to hear. There is nothing wrong with me treating a dear friend with respect.

Xvoid wrote on 4th March 2020, 08:25 PM:

it's sad that people are like that but that's just the internet and you have to realise no one would say what they say here to your face because they wouldn't have a screen infront of them. but then again anywhere else on the internet people are just worse than what's it's like on oldcp. a lot of the people that say the stuff to you are most likely projecting or just insecure about themselves and you need to keep that in mind.

very true but then again, there are people irl that say the exact same things as people would say here.
granted, they may be young but still, words sting.
when I was in 5th grade I was helping my friend doing safety patrol duties and there was a 4th grader who was being really rude and she was one of those rich kid jerks who thought they were better than everything else and she said, ''Ew, why are you talking to me? Nobody wants you here screw off.'' and that stung. It's been nearly 3 years and I haven't forgotten that.
Yeah, I know also that people are worse on other websites and that they're just releasing pent up anger but that crap hurts. They think just because they're on a screen that what they say/do isn't logged.
Newsflash- everything you say and do online is logged. And nowadays, most employers will pull data from the computer about what you've said to see if you're fit and if they find that you've been saying evil things when you're at an age where you should know better, they'll have you arrested.
It's just sad is all.

I'd like your post but I can't because of my sacrifice.

Wth Fear is not nice he is a bully

edit; this was a joke, my dude. he's my friend. no reason to dislike this.

Frogs wrote on 4th March 2020, 02:07 PM:

If only you mentioned Frogs in that list.. He wouldn't have killed himself irl
RIP Forgs 03/04/2020

IM SORRY BESTIE I was naming the people I met in 2015 :’(

JustRigby wrote on 4th March 2020, 12:30 AM:

Aww zen this post is amazing just explaining everything. It really sucks hearing what you had to go through with Mal and all the abuse you got from users, you’re one of the most nice and respectable users here and to hear that this has happened to you it’s just sad and disgusting to hear that people in this community have done that and I hate how it’s continued on today and how some don’t learn from it even I’ve learned from it before I went to a point like some of those people but I did it only because I started shooting back some of the attitude but I know it’s not right to do and I did it just as a way of defending myself but now I know to be a bigger person, and Zen you are a bigger person no matter what age, gender whatever you are you’re a bigger and more respectable person.
I think some people could learn from this and their actions, know the difference between right and wrong and the difference between a small joke and something offensive to the point where it can hurt, and I meant really hurt.
Some people’s gotta learn that even though this is the internet and it’s not words coming from the mouth, these are still words that are coming from the mind, these are words that can offend, hurt and kill. Some people have to release that sometimes what people say won’t always end up going well.

I’d like this but I can’t seeing as I’m doing that sacrifice where I’ve given up the ability to like posts in exchange for twice the amount of rep

I'm gonna go ahead and put this in debates since this seems pretty much like a debatable topic to me. (If you wanna move it, go ahead ig..) But I'm gonna jump onto the train of posts here because I really like this topic and I have quite a bit to say. Honestly, OldCP's done both ruin my life but it's also made it really great.

I joined back when I was 8 years old and I was just... excited. This website was so much different than anything else I'd seen and I remember screaming ''OMGOMGOMG A MOD ADDED ME'' the first time I met Cornbread. I was just ecstatic like any child would've been. I met tons of great people like Lou, Terry, Cristal, Jacks, Jake01, Courtney, Cornbread, Mal31, Chase, Rachel (not the one who joined in 2016). They all made me feel really happy and they were amazing people to talk to. I remember spending 8 hours each day just chatting with them about the most random stuff. I was just going into 3rd grade and so I was incredibly nervous but they calmed me down and told me it wasn't that bad at all.

But then I met some really bad people who are going to stay anonymous. They were either really mean to me or really inappropriate. When Mal was being bullied back in 2016 people blamed it on her smart mouth. But when she tried to explain it wasn't her fault, they wouldn't have any of that. She was diagnosed with Asperger's and yet people used that against her. I tried to stand up for her. Nobody would do a damn thing but sit there and watch. I tried to put an end to it because she would stay up at night crying in my dm. She wouldn't want to wake up and face the hell she was put through. And yet when I told people to shut up and leave her alone, I was told to shut up and stay out of it and that I was an idiot for siding with her. Not even 2 years later me and my other friend were told to kill ourselves, him because he was being verbally assaulted for something not even true and me because I was standing up for him. I was told that the very day my cat died. I was already an emotional wreck and that made it worse. And then we kept getting death threats, we were called retarded and you know what happened after that? I reported it and I was literally told to stop making up lies. By the people's best friend who was also an administrator at the time. That was disgusting. It was vile. For a game so set on making everyone feel welcome, there sure is a great amount of oblivity that goes to certain discussions. When I was promoted to staff for the very first time in summer 2017, Damen told me that you always give out full punishments, even if the person is your friend. What those boys did should've had them all demoted and ipbanned and you know what they actually got? A BLOODY WARNING. A warning for verbally assaulting people.

I know, I've done my fair share of wrongdoing on this game but that was during a time where I couldn't control myself. I was just so fed up with the way people acted towards my friends that I had complete disregard for the rules. I wanted to treat the people the same way they were treating my friends, I wanted karma to swing around and hit them in the head. But no... karma did not come at all. Instead I was verbally abused, called a stupid immature 12 year old. Yeah, my own age was used against me. You can think I'm immature all they want but compared to them, I was acting like a damn adult.

And then on December 4th, 2018 that lovely little fight happened between me and a few others. One of them was being extremely rude to someone else and so I told them to shut up. They got offended by that. They started calling me loser, edgelord, everytime they saw me they would say ''Imagine being (insert comment about me here). And nobody did anything. A few of the staff even laughed. Someone else joined up with the other guy and were making vile comments about me. He said, ''I don't think Zen's a girl. But I don't think they're a boy either. No, they don't have a gender.'' Yeah. They decided my gender was nonbinary FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER OTHER THAN ME TELLING THEM TO STOP BEING RUDE TO OTHER PEOPLE. I got really upset by that. I was sent over my bursting point. Nobody would do anything and so I took matters into my own hands. You may have heard how I went evil and attempted to kill them. I didn't go evil. I just wanted them to shut up and leave me alone because none of the staff would do anything. I got 2 hits in before being arrested. I was put on KOS without even receiving a chance to explain myself. I was given a chance in jail but I could barely speak due to one of the guys (he was actually a free fighter at the time) attempting to kill me every 5 seconds. I eventually let Tave go ahead and kill me since he was the only person who wasn't being rude to me, who wasn't calling me crazy. He was trying to calm me down. He was telling me that it wasn't my fault and yet nobody else seemed to believe me.

I've gone into discord chats that I've been kicked out of in the past. I look at my name in the message history. I've seen the things people say of me. I've seen how many of who I believed to be my friends calling me insane, calling me a retard, calling me autistic. Have some damned respect. Those people can't control how they act. They were born with an illness. That doesn't mean they're less intelligent than all of us.

While this game is quite toxic the deeper you dive into it, I've met amazing people that have kept me here for as long as I've been here. Had I never met them, I'd've been gone a long, long time ago.

PLEASE DON'T GET OFFENDED BY ANY OF THIS. THIS WAS MY HONEST THOUGHTS AND VIEWPOINT AND IT'S BEEN SOMETHING I'VE BEEN HOLDING IN FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS.

how would you feel if I told you I used to be a drac
oh how the tables have turned...

Narcissa wrote on 2nd March 2020, 06:23 AM:

divisions??? Damn u ain’t playing around

the divisions are really fun. there's normally 4 of them, 1 is the sword division, 2 is swords/guns, 3 is like sabers or smth and 4 is bows.
I was in 4.
bows are in the farthest corner of the room so they have longer range to go from, guns are on walls, sabers are at the bottom of the room and swords are on the sides or middle
idk if I got them mixed or smth but they're really fun