Orlock walks through the woods, unprotected. He has no SECURITY despite being a SECURITY GUY. He finds a lonely house in a clearing. It's not a good house, but it's a home for some weird sort of being. He enters to find a warm fire, and a badly made kitchen. Inside is a fateful sort, full of eye balls and ears, and other slimy things. He tries to exit this evil place when suddenly a shadow is in front of him.
OH HELLO THERE!


He sees Orlock and says "WELL I HE'RD YOU WERE TALKIN' ABOUT WEAP'N RESET"
"THAT REMINDS ME, WHY DID A SECUR'TY HAVE A GREAT'R KNIFE, THE WEAP'N OF PYTHAS?"

Orlock is cowering in fear of this manly and handsome creature.



"SO TELL ME EMPEROR, WHY DO YA HAVE SECUR'TY, IF YA NAME IS SECUR'TY GUY, WHY YA GOT SECUR'TY?"

Orlock: "Because the President needs them"

Shrek laughs a big belly laugh.



"EMP'RER AND PRESID'NT? WHAT THE HELL MATE? THAT'S LIKE PUTTIN' JEL'Y AND MUST'RD TOGETHER!"

Orlock is speechless.

"I GOTTA SAY, YOU DID K'LL FABLE OUT OF COLD BLOOD!" Shrek replies. "AND BETTER YET, BECAUSE OF WEAPON ABUSE, LET'S NOT DO THAT TO FROGS EH?"

Shrek then points to his eye

"MMMMM, GOOD DELICIOUS EYE BALLS AND BONES"
TIME FOR A FEAST FOR SHREK



"BYE BYE!" Shrek says as he swallows Orlock whole and burps out the crown.

- Wisdom obviously

If only this was the real CZ!

this is the kind of stuff i wanna read at 7 am